It's called Grammar Made Gay. And it's written specially for you!

Seriously, I came across this gem at the weekend when sorting through forgotten books acquired by my late mother-in-law, and the title of this 1953 grammar guide represents much of how we've changed during the past 55 years.

It was published before the word gay (which originally meant just carefree and merry), was hi-jacked for a very different purpose.

It was the wish of the book's authors, Winifred Watson and Julius M. Nolte, for English to be learnt in a more light-hearted fashion, saying: "Why keep grammar in the horse-and-cart days — let's bring it up to date!"

How up to date can you get?

I shudder to think of the reaction of Winifred and Julius if they survived to learn how the title of their worthy textbook would be construed in later years.

It would probably be rather like the response of screen icon Gilbert Roland, who lived long enough to rue the day he agreed to star in the 1946 film The Gay Cavalier.

I know that language has to move on, but why are we forced to endure its debasement and distortion in causes without any worthwhile objective?

Office colleagues thought I was playing an April Fools' game by writing that Worthing's parking attendants would in future be called civil enforcement officers.

What kind of wordy title is that when related to just issuing parking tickets?

At least the terms rodent officer and refuse disposal operative bear some relationship to the jobs of rat catchers and dustmen!

But no, fanciful new names and terms are launched at enormous expense — and public scorn often shoots them down.

Remember when, a few years ago, The Post Office Group changed its name to Consignia? What a disaster!

It wasn't long before we were back to the old Post Office.

And how about the "three-wheeler travel system perfect for all terrains and all weathers" I saw in a local shop.

Was it an anti-eco gas guzzler? No, it was a pushchair.

Then there was British Airways' calamitous decision to scrap the Union flag from its tailplane and replace it with a variety of abstract designs and foreign themes.

It made the planes look like carriers for a banana republic.

Gone was the image of a very safe (if rather staid) way of flying, and there was uproar from the airlines' customers who saw this as just another step in eliminating a nice touch of Britishness.

Mercifully, common sense prevailed, and the "Union Jack" came back — albeit in a rather wavy form.

All the above are examples of confusing the message, often sending out the wrong signals.

And going back to Grammar Made Gay, it's N0T an easy exercise in acquiring good language skills.

It made me wonder what most of today's boys and girls would make of transitive verbs and relative pronouns...


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